will this conclusion become catastrophic,as more often you turn your back?
no reset button pushed,no compromise acceptable,just an emotionless fade to black?
a downward spiral of veiled animosity that i sometimes perceive as something to mock my regret.
for allowing myself to lash out in the heat of a moment,to say something you wont forgive or at least forget.
is it just enough given to make it tolerable while you perhaps plot some great oscar worthy escape?from an awkward co-existence with my irrelevant soul bearing the burden of a bad reality you equally helped create.
true enough,there was nothing before you came,perhaps nothing will return if you poof poof magically disappear,
there will still be something to treasure always for me,that's the memory of while you were here.
you see, i know "exactly"when it was and what i said in the heat of a moment that come on,"you"did start,
i should not have used for context a contradiction between the part of you in that moment,and the you that lived in the other part.
it was a tragically made mistake on my part,and i am living with the reprecussion
.it is something i cant address or explain because those two parts would have to be part of the discussion.
it would not ever happen again of course,not the slightest bit of it would ever again reappear,
if i had just one wish for eternity,it would be for that moment to dissappear .
i have been left to my own devices in my thoughts trying to figure it all out,
i admit there are other possibilities i suspect infected by that doubt.
maybe you were at your worst and felt obligated to give more than you wanted to share,
as time flowed with my good intentions becoming obvious maybe you figured it was cool if you didn't have to pretend to care.
maybe a part time someone special reappeared,or someone feared told you you were doing to much,
checking you hard enough to make you limit my already minimum chances to even touch.
it could just actually be that something you thought i said was so wrong you wont consider forgiving,
maybe it is just the cop and blow nature of the game from a once preferred style of living.
girl i have been here and there and done and seen versions of this and that and way more than you could imagine in the worst shadows in your mind,
i don't know what you are really looking for in life,but a true friend such as i,i din't think you will ever find.
you see i can accept the good and the bad parts and stand right there where you can see,
every part of you,will always be a part of me.
