I've done a few things here and there, I sometimes thought I had it all,
I jumped into the flames of hell, and prayed to heaven after fall after fall.
I rolled the dice gambling my soul, then cursed my wretched fate,
I looked for love in the shadows and faces of the kind of people and places I hate.
I told lies that I would then beat you in order to force you to believe,
I've stood in shock and disbelief that someone would dare to me attempt to deceive.
I lived under bridges, in bushes and even a lean to sidewalk hovel,
I dug my own grave a 100 times using my addiction as the shovel.
I was too good to dig in the dumpster but good enough to watch another,
I knew it was trash all along but still believed there might be treasure to discover.
I stayed up for days and weeks on end just in case there was something I might just miss,
I put my body and mind in chemical comas because i felt to miserable to another second exist.
I showered with spray bottles and rags,chasing a pathetic broken dream ,
I would lie down in gutters and pretend I was squeaky clean.
I did whatever I had to do over and over again and yes I would have done it to you,
I lived a lie of a life and died a little every day swearing it was true.
I sold pieces of my soul and then plotted to steal them back,
I howled at the moon like a mad rabid dog and prayed to heaven to cut me some slack.
I sat in steel cages year after year plotting escape from my surely cursed existence,
I dove back in after every release at a ruthless puppet masters insistence.
I fought my way out of that war only to find out the struggle had just started,
The new me was unprepared for the mess left by the old me not at all so dearly departed.
I relearned old lessons without the anasthesia of my old faithful chemical choices,
I still listened to everything but the common sense of the heart and souls inner voices.
I tried to halfheartedly fight like the animal I really used to be,
I tapped out when I realized surrender was the only way I could be free.
I stood up to myself and sacrificed the fantasy I really wished would come true,
I am walking away from yesterday and painfully crawling away from you.
I see the road ahead and it is long, hard and lonely,and at times it will hurt my heart like hell,
I will be alright though"I swear",well maybe I wont but after all its still my story to tell.
