Looking for myself

I found another me when I said hello to myself the other day,

I was lost again in the split second eternity that lies between comprehension and reaction,

As the multiplicity of who I could be,

Looms in front of someone I just was.

There in a void of common sense, a vacuum where time stops,

Where adrenaline waits simmering for a decision to flow into an

"It's O.K." exhale

Or to mutate into an irrational reactions fuel for idiocy.

I was all lined up from meek to madman,

From sinner to sage

And so many others I could not even recognize.

 

Lost again and close to losing it all

I realized I needed to live to fight past that standard line up of

"Fuck you man, whom else did you expect?"

Personas with their clichéd repertoires of expression and behavior all comfortably rutted by repetition, awaiting my regular choices of habit needlessly studying already well known lines structured for outward cynicism and self-directed sarcasm.

All of a sudden I wasn't quite willing to embrace a same old me,

A me that was always not quite good enough,

Where everywhere I stood would end up being the last place in line.

Lost again and tired of losing I looked again and in the mirror I saw that the who I was had had somehow just changed.

The callous and scars had blended back into the surface of my soul and the bad memories were now starting to fade into an inner box that could be closed and put away to be forgotten.

Looking through the mist that had "somehow" soaked my eyes I saw someone who had always looked at me seeing the me that I now was,

Then I saw another and another.

I had almost lost my way as I overcomplicated myself with doubts and fears,

With questions I was too proud and scared to ask.

 

Yeah, I got real lost the other day and in that eternity in between discovered,

That I like the me that you,

Think I should be more of.