What kind of person would I be?

What kind of person would I be, if I wasn't so fucking addicted,

Would I still have a malignant tendency to roost among those similarly afflicted?

Would I still be trying to live on a pocket full of lies in a pathetic state of denial?

Would I still be chained by bad karmas bondage as my soul gets lashed and defiled?

Would I still be ducking in and out of life's shadows, avoiding every possible kind of responsibility in sight?

Would I still be falling and lost in a downward spiral to dazed and dizzy to even try and fight?

 

What kind of person would I be if I had been born even a second sooner or later?

Would the current balance of my penance be lesser or even somehow greater?

Would I still be able to look at myself in a mirror, with any kind of self-esteem, dignity or pride?

Would I still tend to avoid in depth self- reflection to better my flaws half- heartedly hide?

Would I be able to comfort myself in the deep still kill of the night by saying to myself life was somehow still good?

Would I still always awaken with my low budget habit of faking it whenever I could?

 

What kind of person would I be, if I was more like those the game has beaten perhaps?

Would I be able to find any life at all worth living, or would the life in me also collapse?

Would I be shifty eyed and kinda twitchy, plotting to take over the world with a Pinky and the Brain futility?

Or would I be vacant eyed and kinda "duh" living in a permanent state of humility?

Would I be able to dream of life beyond the gutter walls that keep our kind confined?

Would I stop trippin on it like so many have, and just go on one again and again until I lose my mind?

 

 

 

What kind of person would I be, if I wasn't such a skeptical spiritual coward?

Would I be able to turn a cheek, bend a knee and acknowledge a higher power?

Would I be able to rebuild any burnt bridges and return to any of the many coops I've flown?

Would I find anyone waiting in the wreckage if I ever did find my way back to a home?

Would I be able to face my yesterday's sins without a duck and run sense of fear?

Would I still stand up in hopes of being counted saying "I'm sorry" even if I know there was no one left to hear?

 

What kind of person will I be when I close my eyes to try and sleep tonight?

Will I be willing to confront any inner demons and be ready to man up and fight?

Will I offer up my heart and soul to that higher power and confess my desire to live sober and clean?

Will I subsequently be content with each new tomorrow's reality, even if I know it won't look like the dream?

Will I be able to acknowledge myself and work with the version of me I happen to wake up and see?

I really hope so because If I ever find myself unable to recognize and accept myself, well that would be the kind of person I couldn't stand to be!